Your Life Can Go on After Divorce
Even if your loved one is not around anymore, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself and move on, because nobody else can do it for you ultimately. In the following, we are going to look at some of the ways in which divorce affects our lives. There is no way to average this, of course, as the impact differs from person to person.
The Positive and the Negative
Like everything else that is of earth-shaking importance in our personal lives, divorce too has positive and negative impacts. And like everything else that is human, there are no solid black and white divisions here. A potentially harmful effect can give us the strength that we did not know we possessed and make us turn a new leaf. Similarly, what seemed to be great as a starter may soon grow to be a curse rather than a boon, bringing in more sorrows than it was supposed to eliminate. The factors cited below are, therefore, double-edged swords, and how we look upon them depends on our set of personal circumstances.
Loneliness and Lack of Intimacy
Being lonely and being alone are not the same. One may find solitude peaceful and like a balm, on the other hand, it can grow to a deafening silence at times. We all crave for the human warmth of another fellow creature beside us when we are physically or emotionally lonely. Many divorcees fear returning home at night as they see the long, dark, endlessly lonely nights stretching into the distance. One can be terribly lonely in a crowded pub surrounded by friends, or in a quiet room with no one around. Overcoming this gnawing emptiness is everyoneâs personal mission; support groups may be helpful up to an extent, but the mind has to be managed by ourselves. Pets, children or adopting children may also help. Work is also a good energiser.
Division of Income and Assets
According to a survey, divorce affects the average British citizen more thoroughly than disease or bereavement. The number of people who have applied for bankruptcy due to divorce has gone up too. The general problem that afflicts more than 60% of the divorcees is the management of heavy loans including quickly taken personal loans that can cause a lot of complications. The next great problem is that of housing. The asset whose division causes maximum problems is the residence. One spouse usually stays back in the house, while the other has to move out. The burgeoning property prices in the UK has prevented most divorcees from buying apartments of their own, resulting in a hike in the rentals in some areas in the prime cities. It is highly advisable that you plan the financial implications of divorce well in advance so that you are not left suddenly helpless and fending for yourself, and even worse, your children as well.
Single Parenthood and Custody
Children are very important to their parents and, sometimes, so important that they become the weapons in a battle between two grown-ups. Joint custody may be a solution, but is a bad idea if the parents continue bickering, using their children as spies, forcibly change their daily schedules to suit each household etc. Single custody with visitation rights is the hottest area of fighting in divorces, and once the decisions have been taken, it may be very difficult for the single parent to cope with the sudden burden of bringing up a child alone. Maintenance dues may not be cleared on time, and the Child Support Agency is not always successful in bringing the errant parent to book. Custody has its own heartaches as no parent can define what is âenoughâ time for having a âhealthy relationâ with oneâs own offspring. Children need both parents to have balanced minds, but do they have a choice?
New Relations and Affairs
There is no use in holding on to a tattered old relation after the divorce is over and done with. New relations and affairs can be heaven or hell, depending on the persons involved. But it is true that some amount of socialising is needed after divorce; otherwise one may slide into an easy bout of depression.
Personal Freedom
What is freedom? For some, it translates to evenings of partying, for some it means a better career, and for some, chances of brining up children better.
Wishing You All The Best
James Pender - www.dont-break-up.com
James Pender
http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/your-life-can-go-on-after-divorce-751478.html
October 6th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Did you have to start your life over after an illness, divorce, bankruptcy, etc? How did you do it?
October 7th, 2009 at 4:35 am
I have gone through all three of them ( not really bankruptcy. Lets say financial crisis) but every single day gives you the opportunity to accept yourself , change the situation that you are in & to have a fresh start. Never give up!
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October 7th, 2009 at 4:37 am
As the blue tang fish said: Just keep swimming.
Realise the mistakes made, and do your best to overcome them. Let go of the past as much as possible. Make a decision to stop being hard on yourself, and to respect yourself, love yourself more, and get whatever healing or help you need.
ALL the great people of the world have overcome such odds, not once, but often numerous times.
One of the ’side effects’ is people will frequently go back to do something that they had ‘always meant to do’ but somehow never found the time, such as learn to fly, hitch-hike in another country, gain a new qualification, follow their childhood dream, etc.
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October 7th, 2009 at 4:39 am
Take it one day at a time and dont try to do too much at once. Its not easy and takes time. Try to change you’re perspective on what you’re grateful for; like the things you do have as oppossed to what you dont have. Thats a problem with mainstream society, more is never enough and we always want what we cant have. It sounds like you’re in a tough place. Good luck.
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