Suicide Prevention

Rita’s physical frame could not support her emotional weight. She leaned against the living room door frame, slid down and slumped to the floor, all the while moving her head back and forth as if she could shake off the crushing burden of grief that wracked her body. Her breathing was shallow; her chest felt constricted, her sobbing came in bursts. All Rita knew in that moment was the pain of loss. When her breathing relaxed and Rita felt a little stronger, she pulled herself up from the floor and made her way to the couch to sit down. There she buried her face in her hands and sobbed out loud-the wall of a mother’s anguish.

Working Your Way Through

Rita was experiencing intense grief emotions. Seven months earlier, her daughter had been killed in an automobile accident. Rita was still finding her way along the road of grief, through a void that could never be filled, to a life that would be forever different. Intense grief emotions such as those Rita experienced are not a sign of psychological problems, mental illness or an inability to cope. They are a natural response to a loss that goes deep, such as the death of a family member or other loved one. Though they are painful, the good news is that they do pass, and in the meantime you can listen and learn from them, and even heal and grow strong through them. Here are a few ways to do so.

Realize There Is Nothing “Wrong” With You

Intense grief emotions are difficult to describe to those who have not experienced them. They can and often do come to us at unexpected times, sometimes with no warning and with no evident “trigger”. They can be frequent in the days, weeks and months immediately following a severe loss, usually lessening in frequency and intensity with good grieving and the blessed passing of time. Difficult as they might be intense grief emotions are not uncommon, nor are they cause for alarm. In her book How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies, Dr. Therese Rando notes that grief can be severe and might make you “conclude that you have lost touch with reality and are going crazy.” And she offers assurance: “you are not.”

Do Not Try To Escape Or Avoid Intense Grief Emotions

Intense emotions can be frightening and exhausting and they can immobilize us for a short period of time. They can also be awkward, depending on where we are and who we’re with when the emotions flood through us. But they are not abnormal; they are not permanently debilitating. “I was in a restaurant with my brother about seven weeks after my wife died,” recalls Brent. “I had to excuse myself from the table and go outside to the parking lot for a while.” Especially in the early weeks and months following a loss, be aware that your experiences of grief may be especially intense at times. Be patient and flexible with yourself; respect the emotions, take the time you need to allow them to be -and to pass.

Listen And Learn From Your Intense Emotions

“Grief work” is often an “inside job.” After an experience of feeling intense grief emotions, take a period of quiet time to go “inside” your thoughts and see what your emotions might be telling you about the challenges and changes you now face. Perhaps the void left in your life suggests you need to take greater responsibility in certain areas. Perhaps your intense grief emotions are pointing you in the direction of a deeper experience of faith. You may find that your loss has left you questioning your sense of worth. Listen well to what your intense emotions are teaching you about good grieving, healing and identifying and accepting the changes you now face. “No matter how much it hurts and it may be the greatest pain in life-grief can be an end in itself, a pure expression of love.”

Talk And Talk Some More

Talk about your loved one. Telling stories about your deceased loved one is a way to process the new reality of that person’s physical absence. Those who care about you will listen with attentive love. Bob Deits, author of Life after Loss, says that talking about a deceased loved one “helps every bit as much as having air to breathe and food to eat-and for basically the same reason: survival. The parent who has lost a child or the widowed person who is alone for the first time in 50 years is terrified that they might forget the smallest detail of their lost loved one. I hear such people begging just to hear the name of the one who is deceased.” It also helps to talk about your intense grief emotions. Say the words out loud: “I sobbed until my body shook.” “I had to lean against the wall for support.” “I felt like the grief was actually physical.” Share these experiences with a trusted friend, a professional counselor, or those in a support group. When you hear your own voice put into words how you survived an experience of intense grief, you see and name your own healing strength.

Take The Time You Need

Grief knows no timeline. Do not impose on yourself a schedule based on previous experiences of grief or what well intentioned friends and loved ones might suggest. You will face these emotions as long as you need to-and the time you need often depends on variables such as what or who you are grieving, the details of the loss, your support systems, childhood memories, guilt and fear associated with your loss, and your current relationships, health and lifestyle. Let time-all the time you need-be a gentle and healing friend. In her supportive book The Mourning Handbook, Helen Fitzgerald emphasizes the importance of taking the time you need. She is forthright about time and offers hope: “Keeping in mind the definition of grief as “intense emotional suffering,” you can look forward, at some point to an end to these over whelming emotions.”

Reach Our For Support

It was a decisive moment in my life. I sat at the kitchen table crushed with loss and overwhelmed with sadness, fear and anger. As I looked around the kitchen, I could hear all the familiar household sounds the purr of the refrigerator, the tick of the wall clock, the television in the living room. In that moment when the world around me seemed oblivious to my emotional death, I desperately tried to locate something that would offer a harbor or relief from the pain. Anything I just wanted to stop hurting. Then I saw it: the bottle of scotch behind the toaster. I stared at it for a long moment, imagining its burning taste and longing for the tranquil sea of numbness I would find at the bottom of the bottle. I also looked at the telephone. “Or I could call Jean.” I called Jean. She said she’d be right over-or I could grab a toothbrush and come to her house. I went to her house. I will believe for the rest of my life that the power of grace and my willingness to reach out for help kept me from taking a detour in life down the road toward alcoholism and hopelessness. I recall that moment with tremendous humility and gratitude-the night grace and friendship took my hand to steady me through intense grief emotions toward the path of healing. In addition to friends and loved ones, people in grief support groups are some of your best allies when you experience intense grief emotions. These companions are treading the same painful path you are. The details of their stories might be different, but the emotional void and struggle they face every day are basically the same as yours. Unlike anyone else, they can hear your anguish and identify with what you are enduring. Margo Steinberg, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., notes that bereavement groups have a strong, positive impact on participants and provide a “safe haven…for emotional expression and release of feelings.” Reaching out to the members of a grief support group is not an act of weakness; it is a choice for healing. Over time, you will find that the give and take of sharing with others in a bereavement group is one of the greatest satisfactions along your healing path.

Take Heart

In companion through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief, Stephanie Ericsson names grief as the “constant reawakening that things are now different.” The loss of a loved one leaves everything different -except love. Our intense grief emotions are the result of equally intense grief emotions of love. We would not feel the pain of loss had we not loved deeply. Rita had given life to her daughter. She had cradled her precious child in her arms, held her hand as she took her first steps, guided her through school, and wept tears of joy at her wedding. Like Rita’s experience, your intense grief emotions are normal and natural result of your love. And the power of that love lives on to help you heal and grow strong.

Joshua Johnson
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/cremation-intense-grief-emotions-what-can-you-do-1247713.html