How To Cope With Bereavement
If you are past your teens you probably suffered the loss of someone you care for. After all death is as common as birth but somehow we do not view it as part of the natural process of life. Our culture does not support grieving. Many of us are afraid of death, we don’t understand it and therefore suppress any emotions as best as we can. Unfortunately this coping mechanism, one that is encouraged by our society also, has got many a hidden danger. The danger is that suppressed emotions around bereavement can well truly ruin your life and you may not even know it.
When faced with the prospect of someone dear to us dying we invariably are pushed to our limits and quite often beyond. As if coping with life’s changed circumstances wasn’t enough we also are pushed to the limits of our understanding of what it is all about.
Losing someone suddenly, or when we are very young highlights these existentialist fears. Modern society has not got the support system extended families used to provide in the past. In our busy lives we do not take the time out to connect properly with each other, let alone give each other the luxury of compassion through listening caring and understanding when someone goes through the trauma of loss.
This is a great shame and explains why proper counselling is so important for anyone who has suffered a loss.Seeking refuge in religions or cults unfortunately is not a sound idea. Whilst it might give you temporary support, it is also a surefire way of giving away your personal power or freedom. In fact looking for support in that way can be downright dangerous and lead you when you are already out of balanced into a place of delusion and estranging you from yourself as well as the real world.
Another coping mechanism often sought is drugs, alcohol, tranquillisers or antidepressants. It is easy to become dependant On these and apart from the obvious dangers to your physical health, extended use of drugs can seriously ruin a life. It stands to reason to seek help sooner rather then later. Because the sooner you do the easier and less painful will be your journey back to normality.
After all grieving over loss is an natural process and if faced and integrated properly can enhance your future rather then diminishing it. ANy kind of trauma has a lesson hidden beneath it. When you see this and integrate the lesson, whatever it may be for you, you will get over your loss so much faster.
Any kind of loss needs integrating
Bereavement, grief, loss of course goes way beyond losing someone we care for. In fact, divorce, the loss of health or money are all in the same category and need to be coped with and integrated when they occur.
I repeat: failure to do so can seriously affect the quality of your life. “Getting on with life” is the catch phrase of our society. Too many of us live by this adage and are true masters of suppression and self delusion.
This is all well and good but I know from my own experience and experience with many clients that unless you face the bereavement and fully integrate it, you will suffer unnecessarily. Parts of your life will not work and sometimes 20 or 30 years later you may realise why, often you may never know where the real reason for your problems originated. .That is a tragic waste indeed.
Of course this need not be so. With energy therapy and cognitive therapy you can work gently at resolving, integrating and healing the trauma of any kind of loss. Fortunately there are many techniques available today and you can take your pick.
If you are lucky enough to realise that you may need help getting over the death of someone you care for or your divorce, or whatever else it may be, take steps now to help you recover your equilibrium faster and get your life back on track. Whatever your belief system, one thing is for sure, you have only one shot at this particular life and you may as well be kind to yourself and get the tools to navigate it as skilfully as you can.
Mercedes Oestermann Van Essen
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/how-to-cope-with-bereavement-341884.html
October 3rd, 2009 at 1:37 am
How to cope with bereavement?
A family member - out and about Christmas shopping on day
Two days later sadly passed away after a brief illness.
The family in turmoil - unbelieveable - what can we do?
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:39 am
Check with local hospitals and churches. Sometimes they have bereavement support groups which are free. Sincere condolences on your loss.
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:41 am
There are no right or wrong ways with coping with bereavement. You have to do whatever you feel you need to do in the first few days/weeks. Some will want to talk about what happened - others won’t. Some will want to keep active - others won’t. Be there for each other if needed and practical support is essential. Cooking, cleaning, running errands etc
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:43 am
I went through the same in early November, my grandma passed away from an unexpected stroke. The only thing that helps is to look after one another and over time you will come to terms with it. Its been over a month for me now and I’m feeling a lot more positive! Grief is a unpleasant but necessary emotion, let it take its course. If you feel unable to cope, or its effecting your everyday life eg. no appetite or insomnia see your GP.
take care x
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:45 am
S*** happens.
I’m sorry.
I RECENTLY lost a very good friend due to a car accident.
What are you gonna due?
I’m sorry but churches and phsycologists will do nothing except make you talk about it.
Then can’t bring your family member back.
Only time will heal..
My deepest sympathy <333
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:47 am
Just do your best to support each other and talk about the loved one who has sadly passed away . Remember the good times and the funny things that have happened . This time of year is especially difficult to lose someone , People cope in all sorts of different ways with bereavement , there is no right and no wrong way
It mat sound very silly but I still talk to a couple of people who were very close to me and who passed away , and obviously have photographs around . I try very hard to remember fun times and block out the pain of watching them suffer when ill
I am so sorry you have lost a loved one
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:49 am
Talk.
Be there for each other.
Help support those having to sort out arrangements for funeral etc.
Keep things calm.
This is a difficult one - After some time….draw a line…and try to help everyone focus on the future - it’s what the person would have wanted.
God Bless
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:51 am
Im so sorry for your loss, grieving for a loved one will take time but the days will be a little easier if your family stick together and try to help each other, if someone behaves differently in your family (i.e not showing emotions, being too emotional, not beliveing what has happened, angry) just let them ok it will probably be there way of grieving.
When my mum died just over a year ago i cried at first thn the next day i stopped i was just so focused on planning her funeral that i didnt cry much, but unfortunately i didnt have family to help as they got angry at me for not crying and that made things much worse for me as i had no one to be there for me, i was 16 then.
Be there for each other please it will help you all, and if you need someone to talk to other than each other then maybe a bereavement counsellor.
They say time heals all wounds but i dont think thats true, i just think you find a way of dealing with the hole your loved one left, its always there and some days its harder to deal but suprisingly you get through it. I still cry bucket loads for my mum just yesterday i cried thinking about her, but i find ways of getting through the day
I hope you and your family get through this and my thoughts are with you
xxx
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October 3rd, 2009 at 6:53 am
take a look at Cruse Bereavement Counselling’s website, you can get advice there http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/index.html
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