Anti depressants?
I am currently taking anti depressants due to family bereavements and not getting on well with my husband. I feel as though I am being used by him for my inheritance that is due to come. I have a sexual partner on the side that he does know about but I feel more relaxed with him and not my husband. I feel awful and so down, I really do not know what I want to do in life, any ideas please. My husband wants me to come of these tablets but I feel better on them but I feel as though he does not listen and understand where I am coming from. I am playing a dangerous game I know. I have suggested a divorce but he wants to try marriage counselling to draw it out, confused!
It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. And one of the symptoms of depression is a difficulty in making decisions, so i am not surprised that you are having these worries. Firstly, stay on the medication. You say you feel awful and down. Stopping the tablets at the moment would not make you feel any better and might make you feel worse. It is not a failure to take antidepressants, you are trying to help yourself. You would not blame yourself for taking an aspirin for a headache, would you? Secondly, you need to think carefullly by yourself on which man you want to be with, which one can offer you the future that you want. If it helps, write it all down on paper somewhere private, the pros and cons. Think about your reasons for marrying your husband in the first place, are they still applicable today? To begin with, some counselling by yourself may help you feel stronger, and if later you feel you want to save your marriage you could go to couple counselling at that stage. Sleeping with the other fella may just be complicating things right now, but only you can decide on that one. I am not sure when your inheritance is due to come, but maybe that would help you get some personal breathing space. Maybe with that money you could move out and be by yourself for a while to a get a clearer picture without either of these men. Sometimes being without them will put it all in perspective. It is a hard time emotionally when someone dies, perhaps these two are crowding you and making things worse? I wish you well and all the very best, whatever you do.
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:25 am
I doubt very much your husband is only with you for the inheritance. I mean, was this the first thing you mentioned when you first met??
Having said that, I think he's better off without you if you're cheating on him.
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:27 am
You need to work both on your marriage (end the affiair and attend marriage counseling) AND your depression. Talk with your prescriber about the right timing for discontinuing antidepressants.
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:27 am
if he knows about your bit on the side and doesnt mind that is strange? that would make me think he was only there for the money also! i think you should have a break from both and go somewhere for a weekend by yourself if you can to clear your mind and think about it without them around.
(and id come of the depressants and c how it goes)
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:28 am
Wow. It sounds like you're in a rough patch, I empathize with you…
Do you think there is anythign left in your marriage to save? Then try marriage counseling. If you don't think there's anythign worth saving in your marriage then demand a divorce. In general, marriage counseling is best and it will help you individually as well.
I'm the type to use anti-depressants as a last resort. I've been diagnosed clinically depressed since I was 8 and only recently went on Lexapro for it (I was 27 when I caved and gave in). It did help tremendously, but the therapy and counseling I had prior to the medication made it more effective. And it helped me sort through a lot of issues on my own. I suggest both marriage adn individual counseling. But that doesn't mean you have to stop taking your anti depressants. Your husband has no idea what you are going through and he has no right to tell you not to take the meds.
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Why dont you just leave????
I think you should come off the tablets and have a break without either of them as you want one but will stay with the other. You know this as you are doing it now. Take a break on your own or with some girlfriends??. Maybe getting away will clear your head and you will feel more confident in your ideas on what to do.
remember the money is yours and nobody else as it is inheritence. Your husband cannot claim for any by law
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:30 am
I think you need to speak to your gp. I was on anti-depressants and i felt confused and out of control some of the time; my gp referred me for counselling which was the best thing that could have happened - she helps me to understand myself and, to some extent, the actions of those around me. I still see her but have been off the tablets for a couple of months and feel a million times better.
Don't make any decisions while you feel this confused - get some more help, i feel it would definitely help you.
Good luck x
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:33 am
you should never just come off your meds most anti depresents have some very bad withrawal symptoms so only do it under doctor supervision.
as for your husband tell you the truth if you have another man and he is fine with it he probably is using you for your money trust me as a man i know cause not me or any man i know would stay with a women he knew was sleeping around sounds like you made the wrong choice but counciling could help if you love him . if he keeps giving you a hard time about your medication tell him your taking them so you dont kill him or yourself I know that sound harsh but he doesnt understand why some people need certan meds sometimes or just tell him to shut up but you need to decide who you want to be with.Who makes you feel safe?,who makes you fell good?,who can you rely on? but most important who do you love?
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April 25th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Normally I'd say to wait until you are better before deciding, but attend the counselling. If you suspect his motives, though, divorce now! You can always be like Liz Taylor & Richard Burton later (but hide most of the money in several accounts overseas, in different countries). See http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 2.
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April 25th, 2007 at 8:10 am
why dont u try time out, which means seperating and c how u go or feel. it might help u both, and help u to figure out what u need gd luck hon.xx
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April 25th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. And one of the symptoms of depression is a difficulty in making decisions, so i am not surprised that you are having these worries. Firstly, stay on the medication. You say you feel awful and down. Stopping the tablets at the moment would not make you feel any better and might make you feel worse. It is not a failure to take antidepressants, you are trying to help yourself. You would not blame yourself for taking an aspirin for a headache, would you? Secondly, you need to think carefullly by yourself on which man you want to be with, which one can offer you the future that you want. If it helps, write it all down on paper somewhere private, the pros and cons. Think about your reasons for marrying your husband in the first place, are they still applicable today? To begin with, some counselling by yourself may help you feel stronger, and if later you feel you want to save your marriage you could go to couple counselling at that stage. Sleeping with the other fella may just be complicating things right now, but only you can decide on that one. I am not sure when your inheritance is due to come, but maybe that would help you get some personal breathing space. Maybe with that money you could move out and be by yourself for a while to a get a clearer picture without either of these men. Sometimes being without them will put it all in perspective. It is a hard time emotionally when someone dies, perhaps these two are crowding you and making things worse? I wish you well and all the very best, whatever you do.
References :